The Loss

“I am sorry”, he said.

“Both?” she asked, stunned. He nodded, kept a consoling hand on her shoulder and left.

Shivering, she sat down on a chair behind her, rocking back and forth. She got up and left the corridor as fast as she could. She went down the stairs and into the dark night. She had tried to be strong all along the episode and now she was being greeted by the most terrible news. This was not right. This should not have happened. She knew things were not in her hand. She lit a cigarette, and took a long drag trying to suppress her tears down her lungs through her nostrils. Her phone rang. She saw the name and received it.

“Hello?” said a female voice on the other end.

She couldn’t speak. She knew she would lose it if she did.

“Where are you? Are you alright? Say something, I can only hear you breath.”

She could feel the concern in the voice of her only close friend. She tried with all the strength and said, “Yes, in the lawn. Coming.” and disconnected the call.

She took another drag and closed her eyes to feel the breeze flowing on her face making her aware of her lone self. She let the memories fill her. They had grown her up and taken care of everything about her till now. Today when she gets back home it will be hushed and empty. No usual greeting, no one asking her about her day, whether she had eaten anything. This day was to come but not in this way, not all of a sudden because of some random person’s fault, or may be her fault. She felt anger and remorse conquering her. She wanted to crush the person just the way he did with her folks, her creators, with his black Honda. That was the information she had received through the inquiry.

A hand on her shoulder interrupted her trail of thoughts. This was the only person she was left with. Her colleague, her best friend, her guide the only person on whom she could rely blindly.

“You have formalities to complete”, said her only support, “I wish I could do this on your behalf but the doctor wants to see you to wrap things up.”

She took another drag from her tear suppresser.

“I can only assure you that we won't let them get away, it’s a promise!” said her friend.

She threw the butt in the grass, crushed it under her shoe and turned to look into her friend’s face with a blank, stern look. She nodded and her friend gave her a reassuring hug, completely understanding the chaos in her best friend’s inside. She revoked, “Let us go”, she said, took a deep breath and moved towards her horrifying nightmare.

Emerging Out Of Confusion And Complications

We keep pleasing everyone in life; starting with ourselves. Rather that’s the main motto behind everything. We please everyone to please ourselves. Everything in this world comes with a cost; especially happiness. If people around us are happy so are we. That is only until we tend to become indifferent towards everything. But the fact is indifference is the biggest lie. You simply cannot give a damn to things even if you say you do or you might as well behave so but frankly you never actually do that. It always matters what someone has to talk about us. Come on, no one likes to hear anything bad about themselves. We always wish to be in the good pages. And if something makes us not be on the good side, then starts the trail of explanations and justifications.

Life is so complicated, isn’t it? Well, actually it isn’t but somehow things make a huge chaos around and then everything starts looking like a maze. We confuse ourselves with what is right, what is wrong and mainly what is right to be done and wrong to be done. There is a difference between these two. There is a difference between what is right and what is right to be done. What you do sometimes might seem wrong at a point but it may be the right thing to do given, the situation, the circumstances and the right state of mind. No decisions can turn out right when taken on impulse. But there are times when certain decisions have to be taken on sheer impulse. So would you call them wrong? Not at all, they are right for that time. We are so judgmental about everything; about people, about things, about our futures and of course about ourselves. Why can’t things simply stay at their pace? But that is what human life is for. We hurt, get hurt, we are happy, make people happy. We regret, feel bad, we feel good too. There is a reason we are not born alone in this world. There is a reason we are populated because that’s what we have to learn, to live with people. You cannot simply keep yourself out of the crowd and try to get along. That is one reason you tend to please them every now and then. But is that the right things to do?

Every interaction, every meet with a new person gets us closer to knowing the world in our own way. The number of people evacuated from our lives gets replaced by the same number of people on our list again. Looking back in our lives we understand so many things that we should have done and those we shouldn’t have. But at that very moment when they were done, they felt just right didn’t they? So, perfect. What is gone is gone and things are not going to change. The only care to be taken is to see that no mistakes are repeated and one important thing is not to forgive ourselves for those mistakes. It is true that we tend to forgive ourselves a lot more easily than others. Once forgiven, things are taken for granted. The moment we start to become strict with ourselves that is the time we learn to be firm and thoughtful about our every move. Yes it is hell difficult. But no matter what, you can be sure of things and be the one to do the right thing, virtually or practically.

Sometimes we also tend to be selfish and think about nothing but our own self. Everything but us seems wrong. You need to sit and think on such occasions. No reaction is the best reaction at times. This way we can keep others as well as ourselves happy. If you don’t feel right it’s ok. It is not a compulsion to go and shout to the world how bad you feel or how good you feel. You live for yourself and not for attention. If pleasing others makes you feel happy, be it. But your happiness is your own. Everything does not need to be known everywhere. We just have to get along with the world, not live with it. The more we run behind things the more they tend to get away from us. Respect is what gets affected here. Respect is definitely not a joke, it is something really, really important and you better not play with it. It is something which decides the behavior about you. The world is like a boomerang, everything which goes comes back again. Why not stay where we are and let physics do its job?

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf…!

Knowing Yourself...

You have things in life, your life, that define you. Some things which make you, You. Why is it so difficult to understand that you live and lead your life only for yourself and not for some third person? No one at all. Anyway let us not get there. What I want to say is how well do you know yourself? How many of you face trouble with the simplest question like "Tell me about yourself?" and the first thing you start with is "Ummm..ok"?

If you did face this problem and have overcome it here is my applause of appreciation! If you still have this problem with answering this question, Wow! That means you know and remember everything since birth yet you have not been able to decipher your own self. Well now that is an issue. We learn everything everywhere. But the most important thing we got to learn is about ourself. We keep running blindly in the midst of a dessert searching for that one oasis to help us get some strength. What if we already knew about the path we were taking? Won't that be even better? Of course it would. Knowing about ourselves helps us know where we want to reach and where we want to see ourselves destined. We work our path out gradually and move along.

We are aware of simple things say like our food choices, clothing choices and other preferences. But then is that enough to define oneself? Sometimes yes. But only if these choices are our own. It happens that few of our preferences are grown over the choices that our surrounding people make. Our parents, friends and all the people whom we consider to be the best are the most influential people around. Agreed they always think for your betterment and goodness but that doesn't mean they own you or rule you. They are not the ones to tell you what You like and don't. It is totally Your personal choice. No matter what happens if I like cheese and you don't, you won't how much ever close or beloved we are. So there is no point doing anything against your will for someone, anyone.

With all this, remember one thing that you are not being genuine to the person either. What the person sees here is someone who is not oneself! The person interacting is someone whom the person himself doesn't know! Now that my darling is lame and unacceptable. You are being fake knowingly or unknowingly. Respecting your choice will make others respect them too. Also if you do not respect your own choices I wonder how you can even respect someone else's choices. It's not that difficult you know, making choices and sticking by them. You need to confide in yourself with everything that you do. To know the world it is more important that you know yourself. That is how you can live, that is exactly how you can protect yourself or free yourself too. Life is not meant to live on someone else's rules. You make and break your life so you make and break the rules too but on your own risk and then no one to blame for the same. Life is simple. Keep it so.

Cheers to you, cheers to lyf...!